I’m Bored & It’s Time To Get Weird

Pretty Woman at 35 — the 1990 anthem to hustle-shaming, as told on by Gen Z

Ben Human
7 min readJun 16, 2024


Photo by Jas Rolyn on Unsplash

Guys, it’s been a minute since my last vlog and I’m so embarrassed… I feel like you’re better than that, internet. Am I right? I totally owe you just a little bit exxtrAA… I’ve had myself lipoed, chem-peeled and faux-tanned, so head on over to my Onlyfans for that shit, bitches!

But to the topic at hand — I feel I have to just warn you that it contains triggers. As a Gen Zitizen with more knowledge and enlightenment at my disposal than, like, ever before in the history of anytime, I was literally drawn to watching Pretty Woman (35 years and ageing lol), seeing as how it drove Gen X men absotively wild in 1990. And why, darlings? Because it posilutely spouts outdated fragile masculinity at its dribbliest and finest.

Let’s dig in, fans.

Oh. My God. Richard Gere is already old. And sexy, says my mom. Eeeuw… And what is with that car?! Is that like a Mazda?? Oh, it’s just the lawyer’s. Get this, the lawyer (Jason Alexander, from that TOXIC Jerry Seinfeld vehicle Friends or Cheers or M*A*S*H or SWAT or something, I literally can’t even), he gets to the party late, right, so Richard Gere, who’s like so old already, takes his car to go prey on some innocent woman downtown in the grotty part…